In the pursuit of...

This morning the pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina, Perry Noble, posted a blog titled: "You Probably Should Not Date Him If...". (http://www.perrynoble.com/2012/02/01/you-probably-should-not-date-him-if/) Perry has an awesome way of putting things out there in a real way that is typically rather humorous so he has one of the few blogs that I subscribe to.  

After reading the post this morning, I have been pondering the first thought of being pursued and how guys should never tire of pursuing the woman that he wants to be with. Blame the adventurous side of me (or is it the female side of me?) but there is something about the thought of being pursued by a man of integrity, who is loyal, and knows that it is "me" that he wants that kicks the harlequin gears into drive. (And I don't read harlequin books - for the record!)

While still feeling dreamy about the thought of actually being pursued I realized that there is a lot of talk and obligation for a man to pursue a woman, but there isn't much definition around what that "pursuit" looks like. Before your mind goes there, don't even think that I'm going to try to define it here because I probably wouldn't know it if it hit me upside the head! That is real talk. :-) Instead, I can tell you what it is not.

Before doing that though, perhaps we should get a good definition of what it is just for fun and for comparisons sake. From dictionary.com we know that Pursuit is "an effort to attain; a quest", or "any occupation, pastime, or the like, in which a person is engaged regularly or customarily". I will admit, I LOVE the word "quest"! (That darn adventurous side!) Ok...now that we are squarely planted on the dictionary version of it, lets talk about what it is not.

A man pursuing a woman is not continually trying to get in touch with her every few months even when you've been asked to leave her alone. No means no.

A man pursuing a woman is not the same as a man stalking the woman. (Hint: if you have had an order of protection placed against you by the woman, you are now in stalker mode, not pursuing, and you need to stop!)

A man pursuing a woman is not someone who expresses himself once and disappears because her level of interest wasn't the same, or wasn't what was expected. Give it some time. Continue to be her friend. Just continue to get to know each other and see what happens.

A man pursuing a woman is not a one-time scenario of wanting a commitment from her. This isn't a game of Deal or No Deal. Again, give it some time.

A man does not truly pursue a woman if he is using middle-men. You know what I mean. That old school stuff. "Tell her that I like her and see what she says."

A man pursuing a woman is not a man who calls himself trying to pursue multiple women at the same time to see which one works out first. (Yes, you have to put all your eggs in the same basket to truly be pursuing a woman.)

A man pursuing a woman does not rely on gifts to tell the tale. He begins to write his own story with her through his own actions and behaviors.

So maybe that brings us back to what it is like to be the man pursuing a woman. As I said before, as the pursuer you are a man of integrity, loyal, patient, kind, willing to explore and get to know each other, can look her square in the eyes and have a decent conversation, is committed to putting in whatever time it takes, is adventurous, is willing to go on a "quest", and knows how to "write" a good story.

Now, what that looks like from one person to the next, I have no idea. But that is what it feels like in the heart when I think about it.

What do you think?