A Price Worth Paying

I once had great friends. Also had some pretty good distant friends. Really liked my job. Had a wonderful family. Enjoyed being a mom.

All of those things were great, except I got comfortable. And when I got comfortable, I compromised in multiple areas of my life. I lost my edge. I talked too much because I just wanted to hear myself talk, or worse, just wanted to talk about myself. I got lazy. I slept in. Focused on me. Focused even more on the things around me. Stopped noticing the people. Oh, I was nice and all but I didn't have true relationships.

And then one day this little voice inside of me nudged me...reminded me...of the power of fasting. I resigned myself to fast for things, but soon realized that I should be fasting not for things, but for a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. True to how God moves, pretty soon there were several people praying and fasting together and we were in hot pursuit of God. We wanted our Lord and Savior to move...we wanted to hear from God...we wanted to see Him manifest Himself in new and wondrous ways. Soon, our physical hunger became a spiritual hunger...an insatiable hunger for God Himself. The very God that created the universe, the stars, the heavens, the purpose for your life - and mine. God moved and continues to move, rest assured, and I am not at all surprised.

You see, I forgot. I forgot how God moves when you seek Him. How could I ever have forgotten that? I got lazy. I chose to sleep in instead of getting up early in the morning and spending time with the one that made me so I could choose to worship Him. I got comfortable. I compromised. I shared my heart with people who I never should have shared my heart with. And don't get that last statement wrong...I'm not talking about sharing my heart with a man, I'm talking about sharing my heart with people...just people, some of whom had no intentions or desire to protect the heart I was sharing. When I look back I realize that all of that time I should have been talking about Him, not me. I am thankful for those that stuck around while I was stuck on me.

I believe that those that are close to me now can attest to the fact that fasting comes with somewhat of a cost. Let me just tell you that when you are comfortable, the devil doesn't care about you too much. That is purely because you pose no threat to him. However, it is when you begin to turn your focus on God that you get the devil's attention. It is when God starts to use you that the devil feels it necessary to step in. It is when your stomach growling reminds you to pray and praise God for who He is and all that He has done instead of run for the refrigerator to quiet it down that the devil snaps to attention and starts messin'.

And the devil is the epitome of mess. He strives to hit you in every area that means something to you. You'll know when he is messin'...you'll know when God is moving and has gotten the devil's attention...you'll know when your life is about to change by the author Himself. That is when your kids start acting crazy...as if you haven't taught them anything and get in trouble at school, at home, and any other location they step foot into. That is when the people at your job who you were once cool with turn on you, talk about you, spread lies about you and even go to your boss about you. That is when you find out that the people you once thought you were friends with really never were because they were talking about you behind your back the whole time - you were just too off your game to realize it. It is when your finances are so out of whack you don't even want to look at your bank account. It is when things start to break, strange things happen and when you can't sleep at night. It is when you start to notice yourself doubting your abilities, your knowledge, your skills, your friends, your family and even God's vision that He Himself has placed in you.

But I will also say that this is where your faith can be secured. God is bigger. God is bigger than anything that the devil can try to throw at you. God can handle all that and so much more. He has been handling the devil for years...He isn't going to stop now. This is real life. This is today. It is God's battle to fight...not mine. My job is to be obedient to Him. To keep my eyes on Him. To maintain a hunger for Him. To focus on Him. To listen to Him. To be sensitive to His Spirit that is inside of me. To love Him.

The beautiful thing about it is that the more the devil tries to mess, the more I turn to God, and each day I find myself quieting down (physically and spiritually) and becoming more secure in Him. Not in those around me...but in Him. I feel as though my eyes are open to what is really going on. I am blessed beyond belief, and sometimes to the point of tears, with a wonderful family and so many incredible friends. Relationships are important...and so is having a deep hunger for God.