"Mom, would you sacrifice me if God asked you to?" ~ Mario

That is the question that Mario asked the night before his death. To be frank, I was appalled and didn't want to answer.

We had spent most of the evening at home, just the two of us, while everyone else was out for one reason or another. The majority of our time together was in the kitchen while I was cooking and Mario was bouncing around me talking non-stop, making me pose to take the typical selfies together to send to his friends, and telling me about who was doing what, who said what, and how things were going in his life. Always a jokester, this night was no exception. We were laughing and carrying on together like normal. Business as usual, perhaps.

With my back to him at the stove, the question was dropped. I have been known to call Mario my "shock and awe kid". Usually for dropping what would be considered a "forbidden question", a radical statement, or making some crazy movement, all in the name of shocking someone. He loved those types of reactions. Because he did that so often, there wasn't much that really truly shocked me anymore from him. I was able to recognize what he was doing and knew that it was really just his way of trying to get a reaction from me...or others. But in this one moment, the question stopped me in my tracks.

"Mom, if God asked you to sacrifice me for Him, would you do it?" I noted a hint of seriousness in his tone. The mere thought of what he was asking was absolutely unfathomable and my reaction matched that feeling, "Mario! That is terrible! Don't ask that!"

But he pressed on, "Seriously Mom, if God asked you to kill me, would you do it?" I tried to be insistent and as dismissive as possible in my response, "Mario! I'm not kidding. That is an awful thing to ask me. Stop."

Diving into the waters of an unthinkable question once again, Mario took it a step farther, "Mom, this is Biblical. This happened! God has asked someone to kill their son for Him before. It's in the Bible! What would you do if God asked you to do that? Would you sacrifice me?"

Mario was referring to a story in the Bible, Genesis 22:1 - 19, where God tests Abraham and asks him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, as a burnt offering to the Lord. Just as Abraham is about to kill his only son for God, he is stopped by the angel of the Lord who tells him that since he has shown his fear of the Lord, he is not to harm his son and does not have to kill him. 

Have you ever seen a mom go from being horrified to suddenly as sanctified as she can get? (I am laughing at the irony of that last statement as I write it.) I realized this question was not going to go away easy but I also knew that with a real sense of desperation that I did not want to answer it. Shoving the emotions to the side I tried my best to use that moment as a teaching moment. As calmly as I could muster, I explained to Mario that the story he was referring to was in the Old Testament of the Bible and that we are released from the necessity of offering sacrifices like that in the New Testament once Jesus died for us, for our sins.

To my great relief, that seemed to quell the waters of such a turbulent question. But why was I so effected by that question? Why didn't I want to answer? The answer is simple. Because I couldn't. I was completely torn between knowing what my answer SHOULD have been and knowing what my answer was likely to be...and it wasn't what it should have been.

As a Christian I know that God sent His Son to earth to be like us, to experience life like us, but to die not like us, but FOR us. I consider myself a Christ follower and I have a relationship with Jesus. Here, in the face of a question that essentially challenged the level of my loyalty, purity and genuine love for Christ, I was choking. I was choking because my 5' 8" tall, 156 pound son that was standing in front of me was asking if I was willing to give him up in the name of my relationship with Christ.

In all honesty, if that were a test for me, I likely would have failed. And I am deeply convicted by the thought of that certain failure. As a person who feels rooted and secure in my faith, I am also deeply disturbed with the reality of that failure. Had I been forced to answer that question, my answer would have been "no." But isn't that the level of trust and love that I have for my God? That I would lay my own son's life down if asked to? The word "excruciating" comes to mind. Now if you ask me if I would give up my own life for God, my answer would be a hands-down, with no hesitation, yes! But my own son? Uhhh....

So here is the thing to all of this; the reality is that the very thing Mario was asking me if I would do - sacrifice my son for God - God already did that.

Did you catch what I just said?

Slow down and really take this point in.

God...you know, the God of the universe...the God who chose you to be here right now in this moment...sacrificed His only son for you and me. (I'm not trying to preach here...I'm just making the connection.) He did exactly what Mario was asking if I would do - except He, with the deepest, most compassionate amount of love, went through with it. He freely GAVE His only Son for you and for me.

And it is through that sacrifice, and Mario's belief in that same sacrifice, that Mario is now in Heaven. So the very thing that Mario asked if I would be able to do - sacrifice him if God asked me to - is the very thing that saved him and allowed him in the gates of Heaven because God did it for us.

Epic.

Lord, I am thankful that I live in a time that I do not have to make the choice of sacrificing my own son. I see now that I often take my own level of faith and belief system for granted. That is not what I want for me, but especially not what I want for You from me. Increase my faith in You and allow me to hear Your voice clearly. Thank You so much for choosing me to be Mario's mom. My life has been beyond blessed by my children. Give Mario a kiss and a big hug from me.......