A Price Worth Paying

I once had great friends. Also had some pretty good distant friends. Really liked my job. Had a wonderful family. Enjoyed being a mom.

All of those things were great, except I got comfortable. And when I got comfortable, I compromised in multiple areas of my life. I lost my edge. I talked too much because I just wanted to hear myself talk, or worse, just wanted to talk about myself. I got lazy. I slept in. Focused on me. Focused even more on the things around me. Stopped noticing the people. Oh, I was nice and all but I didn't have true relationships.

And then one day this little voice inside of me nudged me...reminded me...of the power of fasting. I resigned myself to fast for things, but soon realized that I should be fasting not for things, but for a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. True to how God moves, pretty soon there were several people praying and fasting together and we were in hot pursuit of God. We wanted our Lord and Savior to move...we wanted to hear from God...we wanted to see Him manifest Himself in new and wondrous ways. Soon, our physical hunger became a spiritual hunger...an insatiable hunger for God Himself. The very God that created the universe, the stars, the heavens, the purpose for your life - and mine. God moved and continues to move, rest assured, and I am not at all surprised.

You see, I forgot. I forgot how God moves when you seek Him. How could I ever have forgotten that? I got lazy. I chose to sleep in instead of getting up early in the morning and spending time with the one that made me so I could choose to worship Him. I got comfortable. I compromised. I shared my heart with people who I never should have shared my heart with. And don't get that last statement wrong...I'm not talking about sharing my heart with a man, I'm talking about sharing my heart with people...just people, some of whom had no intentions or desire to protect the heart I was sharing. When I look back I realize that all of that time I should have been talking about Him, not me. I am thankful for those that stuck around while I was stuck on me.

I believe that those that are close to me now can attest to the fact that fasting comes with somewhat of a cost. Let me just tell you that when you are comfortable, the devil doesn't care about you too much. That is purely because you pose no threat to him. However, it is when you begin to turn your focus on God that you get the devil's attention. It is when God starts to use you that the devil feels it necessary to step in. It is when your stomach growling reminds you to pray and praise God for who He is and all that He has done instead of run for the refrigerator to quiet it down that the devil snaps to attention and starts messin'.

And the devil is the epitome of mess. He strives to hit you in every area that means something to you. You'll know when he is messin'...you'll know when God is moving and has gotten the devil's attention...you'll know when your life is about to change by the author Himself. That is when your kids start acting crazy...as if you haven't taught them anything and get in trouble at school, at home, and any other location they step foot into. That is when the people at your job who you were once cool with turn on you, talk about you, spread lies about you and even go to your boss about you. That is when you find out that the people you once thought you were friends with really never were because they were talking about you behind your back the whole time - you were just too off your game to realize it. It is when your finances are so out of whack you don't even want to look at your bank account. It is when things start to break, strange things happen and when you can't sleep at night. It is when you start to notice yourself doubting your abilities, your knowledge, your skills, your friends, your family and even God's vision that He Himself has placed in you.

But I will also say that this is where your faith can be secured. God is bigger. God is bigger than anything that the devil can try to throw at you. God can handle all that and so much more. He has been handling the devil for years...He isn't going to stop now. This is real life. This is today. It is God's battle to fight...not mine. My job is to be obedient to Him. To keep my eyes on Him. To maintain a hunger for Him. To focus on Him. To listen to Him. To be sensitive to His Spirit that is inside of me. To love Him.

The beautiful thing about it is that the more the devil tries to mess, the more I turn to God, and each day I find myself quieting down (physically and spiritually) and becoming more secure in Him. Not in those around me...but in Him. I feel as though my eyes are open to what is really going on. I am blessed beyond belief, and sometimes to the point of tears, with a wonderful family and so many incredible friends. Relationships are important...and so is having a deep hunger for God.

Let's Talk About Intimacy

According to C.S. Lewis we are "half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us." Have you been there? Are you there now? Lewis goes on to say that we are far too easily pleased. Do you think that's true? Think about it for a minute...

There are so many things on this earth that can pull our attention away from God. Those things don't stop with drinking and sex...it could be money, our jobs, a hobby, sports, and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong: not all of these are negative things. It is when some of these things take our focus that it becomes a problem. Notice I said "take" our focus. They are, in fact, literally taking our focus away from God. We become so focused on them that they become our idols. And what is an idol? Something or someone that is regarded with admiration, worshipped, and becomes our focus over everything else.

Our idols can essentially become our one-night stands. They provide momentary pleasure but ultimately leave us empty and void of the deep joy that we are longing for. They seem to promise some sort of ultimate contentment, but they never really do. Chris Tiegreen says "they rob us of something far more valuable - an intimacy of infinite depth with a Lover whose love has no limits." That lover is God.

Do you feel like God is far away? I am learning that it is when I quiet myself, focus on Him, make my time with Him a priority and not a time that I try to fit into my schedule if it will work out, and then just listen, I can sense the very real nature of God Himself.

I have been known to say that I am not cut out to be in a relationship. That is not true. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I am called to have a relationship with God through Jesus and the intimacy of that relationship far exceeds anything that anyone else could ever offer. The intimacy with Him is not temporary - it is the most pleasurable that I could ever have with anyone.

Zephaniah 3:17 says: "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Allow God to quiet you with his love. Focus on your intimacy with Him. Know that He delights in you and made you to delight in Him.

Striving to be a Slacker!

I am! I use the term slacker often in a negative way, but this morning it came to mind and I realized it was a positive thing and a state of being that I should strive for. Huh? Is that right? Have I officially gone bonkers? No...hear me out!

Let's start with the definition of a slacker..."to make or allow to become less active; relax (efforts, labor, etc.)" What I am saying here is that I want to be less active. I want to just relax. Yeah, sure. Everyone wants to just relax...right? Sit around on the couch all day...watch TV...eat Bon Bons...day in and day out... Is that what I mean? No! I'm not saying that I want to be lazy! That is not what I'm saying here. What I am saying is that I want the activity and efforts throughout the day to not be my own...I want them to be God's. I want less of me and more of Him. I want Him to be able to use me for His purpose...His glory. I am just a shell. He is God. I will gladly take a backseat and let God drive.

In John 15:5 Jesus says, "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." Stop there. Go back and read that very last part...some translations say, "Apart from me you can do nothing."

I just read a piece in my devotional this morning that struck me: "much of the Christian life is God stripping us of our self-effort so that He can live His life in us without our interference. God is after our relenting and our trust in His strength...we are to be utterly dependent on the power of God that works in us and in our circumstances." Another "WOW!!" moment! :-)

I am striving to be a slacker! I want to be a Galatians 2:20 woman: "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Less of me means more of Him! I'm all for that!

Let's be slackers together! :-)

The Shift

Did you feel the earth shift a little bit this morning? Did the world seem a little clearer? Brighter? Well, if so, that was my paradigm shifting from God's clarification this morning.

My life has taken such a drastic change over the last six months. It has been as if the earth has continually shifted under my feet over and over again. Just when I feel as though my feet are firmly planted in one area, the earth shifts and I find myself standing in another area. God is keeping me on my toes, for sure!

I realized this week that I am SOOOO incredibly blessed! I have some of the most amazing friends and family. They love the kids and I...they are part of our lives...we are living life together...loving on each other..listening...talking...loving. I can't even express this point as much as I'd like to. Even with friends and family that I have intermittent communication with, there is still this sense of a bond that goes beyond the drifting. I am thankful for each person...

There are "regulars" in my life now that should be winning some type of an award or something. By regulars I mean that they put up with me on a regular basis...over coffee each week, in the office, via email, at church...and I'm pretty sure I should have taken some stock out for Panera and Espresso because I'm betting that we are solely the reason they are still in business.

Early this morning (much earlier than right now) my morning started off with a text message to and from one of my favorite people who is helping keep me accountable. I am serious when I say that God meets us every morning and this morning especially, put on the most amazing concert for just us with beautiful sounds of the birds. While most of the people in the area slept, we were awake and hyper sensitive to God's presence and love. How amazing is that?!

In reading my devotion this morning, along with sipping on a large cup of yummy coffee, and after God primed me with the concert, my paradigm shifted. You see, I've been complaining or going on with my friends about the challenges of life. A few in particular. And in one particular situation, I had almost completely given up and resigned myself to a fate that was awful - one that I never should have thought about or considered. But this morning, God orchestrated something very different. Here is an excerpt:

"Do we complain about our hardships? If so, we have forgotten that the universe is meant to glorify God, not us. Consider how His power might be made known in our trials. Redirect your prayers not to improve your situation but to have your situation demonstrate His glory. Thank Him for making Himself known."

I have been doing nothing but complaining about my situations and believe me, I have been praying for God to improve them...under my terms...with MY definition of what that meant. But when you really think about this point from the devotion, the possibilities are literally endless on how God could use our situations in a way that will glorify Him. My way? Or His way? I choose His way. I may not know what that is yet...and there may be this control-freak part of me that wants to know now what that will look like...or determine the outcome, but in the end, I want it to be HIS way, not mine. He is way more creative than me! :-)

And so when I think about how the Israelites were kept as slaves in Egypt so that God could be glorified as their deliverer in Exodus 11:9, and then I read on further that he purposely led them into what could have been (and rightfully should have been) a fatal situation in Exodus 14:4 but turned that situation into one of many that led people to realize who God was when he parted the sea, and when the blind man was blind all his life until Jesus allowed him to see in John 9:1-7, again, giving glory to God...I realize that my situations, as dismal as some of them may seem, will be, at some point, used to glorify God in His way, His timing, is...well...exciting!

Did you feel the shift?