God is in my foxhole with me...

Yesterday morning we went to the library so the kiddos could find something to read and watch (they have movies that you can check out too). With a few books sitting here at home that I have full intentions of reading, I had no thoughts of picking up a book for myself. But, of course, while I was wandering around waiting on the kids I spotted a book called God in the Foxhole ("Inspiring true stories of miracles on the battlefield") by Charles W. Sasser. I sat down and started reading it as I waited for the kids to collect their books / movies. Of course, I ended up checking the book out and have spent the rest of the day yesterday and today after church reading it and have almost finished.

The book itself provides a great insight into the reality of battle and how God, prayer, and faith plays such an important part in people's lives, especially in a time such as that. There are hundreds of stories from individual service men and women of all religious backgrounds, beliefs, races and battles / wars. I have even found a few names that I know / knew personally. In almost every story it goes on to tell how those times have made such an impact in their individual lives today as well.

Reading through these stories has made me ask myself how my faith has impacted my life both during my 12 years in the Marine Corps and for the last 7 1/2 years that I have been out. After all, even though I gave my heart to Christ at a Mike Warnke concert when I was a teen I didn't not stay on the straight and narrow path. It wasn't until 1996 as a Sergeant in the Marine Corps that I was invited to church by a fellow Sergeant that I looked up to. I finally decided to go one Sunday morning.

I followed the directions given to me to venture out to St. Helena's Island in SC, found the church, drove onto the front lawn with the other cars and parked. I watched as the people strolled into the single white church building in waves and realized that I had yet to see a white person enter. I was brought up to have no bias towards others for any reason but especially not when it comes to race. My concern wasn't my acceptance of them but that I wasn't sure that I would be welcome in this church.

Remembering my promise to Sgt Willie Demerson, my friend, my brother in the Corps, I took a deep breath, got out of my car and started on what seemed the longest walk to the front doors. I could feel people doing double-takes in my direction, some stopping to look at me and to be honest, I felt pretty intimidated. I'm sure that my face was red as I continued to keep my eyes on the uneven ground in front of me. To my absolute astonishment one person after another began to approach me as I got closer to the church. The women began to welcome me with big hugs, kisses and laughter! All the way into the church the men shook my hand and welcomed me, the women made such a fuss over me and I almost felt like a movie star. Quite humorous now that I look back at it. I found a seat in a pew about five rows from the front. The people were happy and so full of joy I couldn't help but be in awe. Every church I had attended before this one was quiet and reverent...this one was like a little mini-party before they began the service...well, during and after service too!

This first morning was a morning full of surprised for me. My friend, Sgt Demerson, I found out quickly was also Minister Demerson! He was one of the ministers in the church and led the opening prayer and transition into worship. Oh! And the worship!! Oh my word! There were no screens, no words in a book or on a paper, they were songs that were uplifting and sung for quite a long time so it wasn't hard to catch on and sing, clap and dance along. It was also in this church that I realized I was blessed with the ability to move and have rhythm...and that is probably why I am not able to just stand still during worship at church today! :-)

At the end of the service there was an alter call. We were all praying and I was overwhelmed with emotions. With my head down I could not hold back the tears that flowed. Willie's wife appeared next to me, put her arm around my shoulders and said she noticed that I was crying. She asked if I wanted to go forward and accept Jesus and I did. The senior pastor gently and quietly in my ear asked if I had a church home and I answered no. He then invited me to be a part of their family and my answer was yes. From that point on they treated me as one of the family.

What I didn't know until a few months later was that just a few weeks before my arrival the pastor had prophesied to the congregation that people of other races and backgrounds were going to become part of their family and they needed to prepare themselves. And that prophecy came true not only with me, but many that followed behind me over the many weeks and months to follow. The pastor referred to me as his jewel for a long time because he said I stood out in the crowd. That was his way of being funny but letting me know that I was accepted.

It was in this church, New Life Deliverance Temple of God, that I was brought up, fed, and raised in my faith. I married a few months after joining the church to a man I had met at my previous duty station. Nine months later my son was born and he was prophesied over on his first Sunday in church that he was going to raise up to be a great man of God, a prophetic word that has been given over him on three separate occasions now. I have never known such joy. I have never felt so close to God. And no one ever knew, or even suspected the horror that was going on in my own home after five months of marriage.

With my great love for God and my desperate and deep desire to please Him I was able to go on with my life as if the abuse didn't exist in my home. It wasn't until I turned my husband (now ex) in for repeated and extreme child and domestic abuse that people found out things were not as they seemed. For months I leaned to God for direction. I poured through His Word to find an answer, a way out, some sort of sign that it was okay to get out of the relationship. Over the next several months we separated, he repented, then things got back to the way they were and even worse. The son of a pastor himself, my ex knew what to say and could quote scripture with the best of them. We even went to counseling and a marriage retreat but things always seemed to go back to the state that they were in and the abuse would get worse without warning.

There are only a few times in my life that I feel I heard from God directly and this was one of them. Distinctly I heard plain as day, "I know your heart" and I suddenly felt released to leave the marriage. Through tears and humiliation I turned him into the authorities on base and told my story to those closest to me. Through the military courts he was charged and convicted of a long list of offenses. The prosecution struck a deal with the defense that they would drop the attempted murder charge in exchange for a certain amount of guilty pleas along with not making it necessary for my then almost four year old daughter to take the stand and testify.

To look back at that time in my life I realize that even though it was one of the worst of times for me, it was also the closest relationship I had ever had with God. While not the same exact scenario, in theory it is similar to those that I am reading about in this book. No one wants to go through a tough time but those times can enable our relationship, our love and our dependence on God to grow. Those times shape us for who we are today. Those horrific times in our lives are things that God can turn and use for good, for His glory, for His works.

While I hope that no one ever has to endure what we went through, the sad reality is that it is very common in our world today. And even if you are not going through something like this, we all have something that happens at some point in our lives that is devastating. I can say with all honesty and sincerity that I really can't imagine what would have happened if I was not leaning on God, if I was not calling on Jesus to help, if I did not have my church family. I also cannot imagine what my life would be like today - I question if I would even have survived.

Thank You, precious Lord for helping us through this and other horrific times in our lives, for being in our "foxhole" with us. Thank You that we can come to You with the big life decisions and problems as well as the smallest things as they all matter to You, they are all important to You. Thank You for your protection, that all three of us are still here to do Your work, and that You have a purpose for us and Your church families. And thank You, Lord, that we are a part of a great church family now and Your love is ever evidenced in our daily lives. May we be walking testimonies of Your mercy, love, grace and forgiveness. ~ Amen

Growing Up

For some reason as of late my mind seems to be consumed with thoughts of Africa. Not necessarily of memories that I have from visits there, but more just the culture in general. I am absolutely enamoured with the people, the culture and their plight.

When I was a little girl I was up late at night watching TV. I must have been 10 years old or so I'm guessing. A commercial came on asking for people to call and sponsor a child in Africa. I quietly went to the phone downstairs and called in. The phone call forgotten, an envelope appeared from the organization that had the photo and information of the child I had called to sponsor. Of course I had no job and no way of making good on my promise to help feed that child so my parents called and explained to the organization what had happened and I'm assuming sent the sponsorship paperwork back.

This is a memory that I had forgotten about until recently. How funny it is that my compassion for the African people began at such a young age with that one commercial that compelled a young girl to make a call in the middle of the night. Still to this day I can pick out an African accent of someone speaking across the room. I am drawn to those that have been there or are planning to go.

In preparing for both of my trips to Africa a woman that I worked with sent me clothes to take with me to give to the people. I brought back pictures of the people wearing them for her. I just heard through the grapevine today that she is now planning her own trip to Kenya over the holidays to help in two villages there. I wrote to her but refrained from asking the billions of questions that I wanted to and kept it to a simple few. She responded that my trips had inspired her to go. I am flattered but know that it is not about me. I am keenly aware that her life will never be the same. Her whole outlook will be different. Her priorities will need to be reprioritized when she returns. She will be deeply moved and will love even deeper.

There are no words to explain the transformation...nothing that can accurately express the fullness that I felt while there...passion, love, compassion, depth, fullness...neither individually nor collectively do these words do the experience justice.

So now, at 37 - almost 38 years old, I have made a decision. My life is different now. I am an adult. I no longer stay up and watch TV late at night nor do I have a phone downstairs to make a call. Instead, I got on the computer and found a child that I will gladly sponsor for as long as needed. I'd like to introduce you all to Elizabeth. She is 5 and lives in Malawi. She loves to play games and to see saw. She is currently going to school, attends Sunday school and church regularly and has two sisters. I am looking forward to seeing her grow, writing to her and receiving letters back and maybe one day meeting her here on earth. Isn't she adorable?




Thank you, Lord, for placing your love inside of me...for giving me the opportunity to give freely...for providing for our needs so that we can help provide for others...thank you for the passion, love, compassion, depth and fullness of my experiences with Africa...but also for Your love that is unconditional even as I don't deserve it. Thank You for the chance to reach out to young Elizabeth...guide us as to the right things to say and do for her. Protect her and fill her home and the lives of her entire family with Your incomparable love. You are my God, my Father, my Prince and my King. You are my all and I love You.